I started to write again even though I was a very changed human being. It had been something like three or four months
I think. I started writing with a close friend on a fanfic series even though I felt like I had no ability to write left.
I got into the story, she helped me maybe in more ways than she might know of just being able to write again.
I found my other sista Eagle just waiting for me, worried as hell about me. She helped me walk through some of what I could
explain. I could still hear things and I was still in strange stages but I was gaining myself back into some kind of normalcy
and inner silence.
There was only one last thing. Which seemed like some kind of odd note. I went to stay with my gramma for a week. I told
her about what all was happening to me. I can't even remember when this was exactly. The very first night I went to sleep
in the back room thinking I could relax and everything was alright ... I felt something come from the window and across the
room and into me. I couldn't get it out of me. It had me in a grip so tight it was like a talon and my head was shaking and
my hands flew up to my chest and my fingers were wiggling with an unnatural speed and my breath was coming sharp and fast
and short unnaturally. It was the only time I ever felt like I was actually demonically possessed. Then someone was there
standing by the bed and seemed to throw the thing out of me and just kind of launch it back out at the window. I hadn't even
closed my eyes good enough to actually fall asleep but now here I was like I was popping awake from this. So I stayed up the
rest of the night. At least though, that would be the very last experience like that with things jumping into me or touching
Then I began to dream about a big brown bear. I had several dreams with Bear and he was kicking ass. He chased people off.
Sometimes he got hurt and I would try to help him but other times he was a fierce thing and a little scary even to me but
I wouldn't leave his side. I had these dreams he was after my voices like white on rice.
After Bear my dreams started to come back like they used to be. In some ways they have become even better now. My totems
came back, my guides came back and my dreams were going back to just something normal.
I can still hear some things of the voices into the back of my head rather vaguely. There is still a very great issue of
trust, respect and sacred space there. If I can get rid of them completely I will. If I'm supposed to learn how to find a
relationship with them, I will.
I learned allot of things. I'm still trying to find all the lessons and values I can gather from what happened with my
spiritual madness. Ever optimistic I guess, looking for the positives.
I've been able to start meditating to sleep again. I still have this odd ball feeling to the right side of my head with
my temple, I don't know what that's about but I sure don't want to have any of this crap calling back on me. It's years later
now. All that is over. I pray I'll never have to go through anything like that again.