A Spiritual Madness
Spider Keeper and Praying Mantis
Links in Fanfic
Links to Other Stories
The Dark Night of My Soul
A Spiritual Madness
Altered States
Never Silence in My Hell
A Quiet Path
The Great Gathering
Dare to Breath
Spider Keeper and Praying Mantis
Do the Mapths
Respect, Trust, Sacred Space

What does our spirit look like?

And how does it relate to the rest of the universe, evolution and reincarnation?


I have held a question for a very long time that is, what is the physiology of our spirits, and how does that relate to all things. It is a very big question because it's like asking how biology works with quantum theory or building a man up from his quantum physics just to make his pinky finger, and then relate it to influencing forces from time, existence, cause to astronomical. Y'know, people have done allot of that already, from the sciences to the Kabala. Infact, science would become allot more interesting if it got out of its android head and recognized the soul within the human condition.

Not everyone in the sciences or psychology were or have been so dislocated and dispondant of the soul of the human condition and its relationship to all else. Many of the inspirations of the inventors and idealists towards technology and science brought dreams they had into manifestation. Einstein himself was a Kabalist. The mathematician, Rene Descartes, had a dream one night that we would know as algebra. In the time of my madness, when I was playing with all the words, I can see how he could dream up algebra.

That was always one of my biggest problems in school. Besides teachers who did not have much interest in teaching because I was in resources anyway since the second grade and not really expected to 'learn' much or get anywhere near becoming a productive member of society, I was given things on the chalk board or in the books and taught with 'programing' it into my head. This was this and this and then there's that, but nobody could tell me why. Without 'why' I had allot of problems with 'how' and this is often how allot of spirituality tries to teach other people. They start right in the middle, assuming the basics have already been covered somewhere and you know what is being talked about.

So here's how I played with math into my understanding, which kind of went wild in my madness

1+1=2, why? Because you have an apple and an apple and they make two apples. Why? Because they are both singular and when you combine them or divide one they make a half: 1/2. 2+2=4, why? Because two apples and two apples makes four apples. Why? Because they are dual, two halves, and if you combine them or divide one yet again you make another whole with directions and a circumference. 4+4=8, why? Because they are two wholes and if you combine them you make a cosmic path. 8+8=16>7, why? Because if you combine two cosmic paths, greater than will always be the larger side of > and less than will always be pointed to < and numbers can be simplified into their lesser than: 1+6=7 . It goes on, so 'how' do you get to ...?

0 - whole:    The void takes shape
1 - singularity:    The whole gives birth
2 - halves:    The one was beside itself and divided into the dual
3 - created:    They were fruitful and gave birth
4 - wholes:    They were beside themselves and began to become creative
5 - awareness:    They were fruitful and made material things
6 - sexuality:    They were beside themselves and made a second tribe
7 - directions:    They were fruitful and began to line the paths
8 - cosmic paths:    They were beside themselves and walked between two worlds
9 - aspirations:    They were fruitful and became religious
10 - completion:    They were beside themselves and returned to the whole with all their components

When I was little I learned to count by telling stories with my numbers and gave them points along their way so I could stop counting my fingers and making line marks all over my paper and this kind of elaborated into numerology while I was trying to learn math up to pre-algebra. Then it went really wild in my madness with all kinds of stories and configurations. I still don't know what I was doing exactly but it was the same thing with everything else, making alignments out of a screwed up filing cabinet. It went on into shapes but making a whole out of all the shapes I had gathered kind of scampered away while I was trying to find the right ... Eli Khimlar in it.

My voices had turned bad while I was still doing it and started telling me to drop it because I was mixing the sacred shapes hidden over the earth and this was apparently what people could end up discovering to make a portal into heavens or hells and were some kind of fundamental to the gateway of the star circles as well. Basically though, there is a specific pattern to the combining of the sacred shapes in a correct alignment, but these many shapes are scattered over the earth to specific keepings where almost each of them tell of never mixing. However, if these keepers came together and aligned the keepings to a singular destination - if they put the shapes down together in the right order, at the right time, in the right way - they would come to opening an ancient gate. Gate(s) with these shapes that were divided up and scattered off to the keepers in the very beginning of creation. It was like a key to a door and all these shapes put together made the shape of the door and the keyhole but is a most astronomical puzzle as well, like Hellraiser's rubix cube.

Not only does it implement opening the gates of hell and letting the 'Satan' out, I was told by my voices and such it could also be like a beam shafting down to the earth from this higher thing. From Spider Keeper, the 8's. and with it open Spider Keeper could shimmy down the shaft of light into the great lodge of all the people. Spider Keeper represented the cosmic universe. It implies all sorts of things from aliens with landing pads to dimensional portals and cosmic paths. The only problem is I don't know which one.

There is a great puzzle and if the wrong door is unlocked or the key turned in the wrong direction like Matrix II with the key maker there, the underworld could come up like stories I've been told from some of my x-satanist friends about conjuring up devils, or like the stories of how the faeries concored the darker ones and drove them into the belly of the mountains.

There is a story I'd like to tell one day about these keepers. It's a fantasy story but like the folktales there is a basis of truth. They have keepers and each specific keeper has a device that is also an instrument that makes a tone. When they get together at a specific time and place and begin the tones with the devices these creatures who stir up from this underworld at this time follow a path to a new place to make a new den. Without the keepers they would pestilence over their world and drive everything near extinction. This keeping was given to them by a great mystical being that looks like a praying mantis who didn't want these things to devour the whole world.

The only greatest example I can really give is that animation movie: Titan E, when the boy becomes the key to shaft the light from the machine of the shapes and this wakes up the titan. I was Mushroom when I saw this movie and I kept calling it Tai'ny. It was awesome. I ought to see it again now that I'm back to myself just to wonder what it was I saw there exactly besides the wonderful, wonderful colors. But in the example there with the boy, it was like seeing what I was trying to figure being played out. This is why to steal from keepers is dangerous, to go into anything half cocked and ignorant of what you are learning could get you into trouble. This is why you learn anything before you try to go around making something. All the people who use witchcrafts know about the energies they are dealing with and that many of these have prices their practitioners must pay. While what I was going through wasn't witchcraft the fundamentals were there in the shapes about the ones who use thier circles to conjure.

There are these star circles over the earth like a crystal shard with a light inside of it. If the keepers gathered with the shapes like they combine to make a key, everyone would see these great points and things, like Spider Keepr could come and go from them. If you turned the key the wrong direction in the whirling wind, like the difference between the Navajo symbol for the whirling logs of creation and the Nazi shwastica which turns its winds backwards from creation, then the dark side of the cosmic path would jump out, like a 9/11. I have no reference for this stuff, it's from my crazy time when I was playing with the numbers, words and shapes but maybe someone out there knows what I'm talking about. If there is, I'll try to make better sense of it.


During my crazy time with all the numbers, shapes, words and visualizations the Praying Mantis came up, standing in a shaft like Moya's starburst shaft which I kept calling her lotus. On Farscape she's a bio-mechanoid ship that has a purpulsion system called starburst. The Mantis held seven boxes in its smaller arms that contained something like Pandora's box and the shaft represented the gate and the mantis represented the keeper of what could be awoken. The seven boxes represented something like Pandora's boxes. We had captured one that got loose and put it into one of the boxes where it became a small bird. Inside the boxes were keeps and either were contained or they were empty and the 'thing' had to be captured and put back in. I can't remember which. I'm still looking for something factual about that part. I'm not willing to dismiss everything as meaningless rant, I too often find good reasons why a little later down the road.

Past the mantis was a doorway up into a strange place I later tried to put into a fanfic with Chiana in the Dark Quest series. Past this strange palace was the upper world, an oasis island.

Back into the shaft there became two mantis. The keeper and then the one brought forth from the keeping. They were at the bottom of the shaft, a huge female of various colors. As she came up she ate the keeper but was still the kept because she couldn't leave the shaft itself. Then things really got kind of crazy here as an aspect of Gaia filled with anger and hurt and pain, all of the Earth Mother's pain and prediction.  When ever the Mantis Gaia raged the earth stormed and shook and war. When ever the Mantis Gaia raged and pleaded and was in pain and cried something would happen over the earth, unprecedented. Then she showed me her embriotic child. It was over the lands with the head to the northern hemisphere. When I spoke of this visual to a friend of mine she said there are others who also believe there is an embriotic child on the earth but they think its head is in the southern hemisphere. Maybe it has moved or I am wrong.

When ever Mantis Gaia would speak to me it would rain. Every time, I couldn't deny the synchronicity between her rages and then the rains would come.

Then the Mantis Gaia gave birth and it was to herself. She washed ashore to the beach but lingered in the waters of the ocean. She was another form then of Delvian mad Zhaan raging in her cage only now finally set loose out of her cage. In another form I tried to write of her was TangenTao in Hunted Species but I never got to Gaia in her stasis capsule from whom TangenTao was born. In another image I saw my personalities coming out like starving Zhaan from Home on the Remains episode where the buds all over her bloomed as 'other children' like TangenTao.

Instead of leaving the ocean Gaia gave birth again to one who wandered up on shore to the beach with a gift. The gift was a silver shard or small rod. I wrote another story here about it being Chiana who held it but couldn't go further inland because she was being held still by land sharks. I don't have that story anymore even though I tried to write on another board somewhere to hide it.

The Gaia one is still one that remains to me somewhere like the Mushroom. They are in my dragon totem. The last time I ever wrote with her it was in her rages again and she was speaking as my dragon totem in a poem. Right after that was the 9/11 which was rather predilicting of the poem ... which I think might still be somewhere on someones site of poems but I can't find it and forgot who that was. It wasn't a very nice poem anyway.

As might be expected the Gaia isn't a happy camper filled with peace. The rape of the earth is the rape of the Gaia and in pain and rages she stirrs and moves, has children and will give birth. The rape of Gaia, is the meaning in the rape of the drum. When the voices that said they were Lakota came to me and put me through a few tests one of the women asked me, "Do you rape the drum?" and I didn't understand that any more than picking a feather up by its steep. But I know what she meant now though it was a horrible thing to say and I have long feared its mention could be horribly offensive enough that people might even try to beat the hell out of me. But this is part of the understanding in one of those Zen ways. The very essance of the drum is in the heart beat of the earth. It is in the listening of the human being, to speak with the heart and not the head. Rape is violent and violating and a never ending drama to the womanhood of earth and all man, male and female. And this sacred silence and heart beat. The answer to that question is a Taoism and that question wanting an answer, is a Taoism. Why is the tree happy?

When the Gaia comes up raging in her cage she's banging on the walls and ranting and shifting like a labor pain, she has mini-births like a Chinese dragon, like a panther, like a madness Zhaan, like a TangenTao and Mushroom, like a Cybergenetics, like a Mother Core of a great Metropolise trying to restore the links and awaken and manifest and embody all the connections that have been trying to re-establish their own links to Mother Core. All so very awesome and frightening. What happens when she wakes up? I've never really gotten to where I could write a story to that ending and beggining.


Reluctantly I'm not going to go into what I think we must look like as our one great whole but I do wonder ... if we don't look something like whirling tornadoes with an egg or an oval shaped onion or a quartz crystal in the center with a DNA spiraling down the center of that, or like black and white holes with a wormhole and whirling winds and encompassing sphericals. Like how they say as above, so below.


Parallel Unity: The Keyhole

Sacred Geometry

Sri Yantra

Seeing All the Layers

Yen and Yang

Astral Plain

Tree of Life


Black Hole, White Hole, Worm Hole